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Afraid to be Me

medamonIt’s been almost 10 years since my husband and I met on eHarmony, and I just found out that I came really close to never being with my husband.  Tonight he asked me, “Babe, why did you make your eHarmony profile so boring? Like you didn’t tell about any of the stuff I know about you.  You didn’t tell that you sang, that you were working on a PhD. You didn’t talk about how fun and spontaneous you were.  Why did you do that?  That’s why it took me so long to pursue you, because I didn’t see how special you were in the profile. You seemed just like any other girl.”  My response to him?  “Honey, I didn’t think guys would find all of who I was attractive.” In the mean time of me trying to hide who I was, fearing rejection, my husband ended up running after a girl that really caught his attention.  But for the grace of God, we got together, but whew!  That was close!!!

I thought about that for a minute and a horrible truth came to me, one that I feel is true for a lot of single women.  I’d endured A LOT of rejection by guys while I was single and many times it seemed that “who I was” frightened men away.  I remember distinctly, when I filled out that eHarmony profile, deciding that I would make my profile as simple as possible.  I didn’t want the guy to feel intimidated or to scare him away.  What was I thinking??? Damon said that if he’d known all about me, he probably would have pursued me sooner and harder from the beginning.

I almost missed my blessing, by being too afraid to be me.  What was I thinking??? I mean who was I trying to attract?  I was dumbing myself down, hopefully to attract what?? Would I have attracted God’s best?  Would I have settled for just any guy who seemed to sort of like me?  I almost missed Damon. I almost missed God’s best, because I thought too little of the person that God created me to be.

I wonder how many of my single sisters do the same, with the hopes that a guy will choose them?  And by dumbing themselves down like that, what kind of guy do they hope to attract?

I may have to revisit this…this is deep…..wow…just wow….

animal-2028156_640Nika

 

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