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More Random Thoughts on 10 Years of Marriage

One thing I have learned in 10 years of marriage is that you have to literally FIGHT to stay together…fight for your love! Everything I am about to share has come from trial and error. I have not always walked in these ways. My year of birthing Dillon and his first year, Damon calls it the “dark ages” because I was just awful. By God’s grace we made it through it, but Damon was a very lonely guy during that time, and then after another incident after Destin was born, we had another horrible spot in our marriage. One main thing that happened after Destin was born is I became a principal at a very stressful school. I worked 24-7-365. For 2 years, my job was my “husband.” Damon and my parents were caring for the kids. Weekends I had speaking engagements or boardwedding 2 meetings, etc.. On the surface things looked great. It was a prestigous job, and I in my flesh was very proud. Then one day God spoke to me and I saw that my career was taking precedence over my Love. I made the choice to quit (became a kindergarten teacher) and when I told Damon I was, I told him “Babe I can’t even consistently make you dinner or just care for you! I’m too tired to just BE with you on any level.” Having Dillon and having Destin brought 2 times that really tried our marriage. Both times our marriage should have failed, but God got us through and I think it’s because of some things we set in place and also because of us just honoring our vows before God. Early in our marriage, Damon and I both made the decision NOT to develop or continue with close friendships with those of the opposite sex. Damon will have to tell his story, but here is mine. I quit working with the guy who used to produce my music and often wrote the scores to my songs. I withdrew from all guys that I had close relationships with. My thoughts were that all I need to be doing in this life should mainly be done with Damon as my partner and friend. If I am investing my time in this relationship, how is there time for any other man?? We are one and that is that. For me, I normally am really chill, but every once in a while my “antennas” beep off about the occasional chic who gets a little too close. I just simply say, “Babe, I’m feeling like maybe you need to watch out for so and so…” Now some may read this and think it’s insecurity, but actually it isn’t. It’s called protecting what’s mine. Adultry will not only hurt a woman, but it will DESTROY the man that you love. If you look at men who have committed adultry, religious or not, it really destroys them. I also know that many men do not seek to be an adulterer. Many felt that they would always be faithful to their wife, but then one day at a vunerable moment the chic shows up at just the right time and BAM! Jezebel got ’em. As much as I know my love cares deeply for me, I do know that he is human and I in know way want him to go through the suffering of findng himself in an adulterous relationship. Many think “Oh he is just a dog!” But most men who commit adultry did not want to. The temptation can be great and God chose me to be Damon’s helper. Not just in helping him fulfill his dreams but to also help him walk as God would have him to. So one thing I do is make sure that when my red flags go off about a chic I’m on it. I follow my instinct. Secondly, (and you may think I am always coming back to this, but this is real talk!) I try to make sure he has NO reason to lust after someone else. Yep. I do have days where maybe I’m not at my best with my appearance but I don’t let those days linger! I’m perpetually in a state of making sure that Damon’s eyes are pleased. I also think that bed time is actually the time when you need to look your best. We go to bed with rags on our heads, a ragged t-shirt. Then get all dressed up during the day for everyone else! What kind of sense does that make?? Most of us married girls only have the night time to spend time with our loves. Why would that be the time to Iook the worst!??? Come on ya’ll!! So I literally chose a hair style that does not require rollers or a head rag (love my free form locs…this is freedom…and Damon likes my wild look…lol!). And if finances are tight and you can’t afford nice pjs, then go straight garden of EDEN! Yeah I said it! So those of you who are wondering why I’m being so candid? Because the world, videos, TV talk about all types of foolishness about relationships and love and yet Christians act like prudes all while marriages be struggling because someone won’t talk about it! Finally, I hardly EVER deny my husband. EVER! The times I have had to, I do it with love and explain why. I do this NOT just to perform some wifely duty, but I do it to protect his heart, mind, eyes and body from sinning against God. I am the only one on this planet that can help in this way. Finally, I feed his manhood. I frequently compliment him and tell him how amazing he is to me. I thank him for the lovely things he does for me, no matter how great or small. I believe in every dream or ambition he has. Men love to feel appreciated and honored. If I won’t…uh someone else will, believe it! It’s usually that woman who makes the man feel like “everything” who gets his attention. I tell Damon all the time “Everything you need is right here in me.” So along with keeping my eyes peeled for the chic who wants to inflitrate this love-lock, making sure He knows how much I value everything about him, I also make sure I am meeting the needs he has…so there won’t be any room for any other girl to try and fill it. Real talk.

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